Joshua (cutthroatbritva) wrote,
Joshua
cutthroatbritva

nickels

so it's been 6 dayz now since my last taste of alcohal and i do believe my last. i'm not doing so good shakes and snakes and everything bullshit making me want a drink a god damn serious taste of that heaven but i'm not fucking around here bitches. it's not going to happen. i was at the vid for hours last night and only had the taste of water and ice on my breath by the time i got home. i'm fairly proud but fell sick sick sick, but since death can only come after the pain has subsided i guess i'll survive. it's funny how i can see people and think jesus fucking christ mohammads wooden leg i need to get drunk. i feel almost as if people won't like me as much since i'm not drinking. everything seems uncomftorable socially, well for the most part. but when i look back i see how pathetic i had made myself to everyone i was around. i was an arrogant douchebag i was full of shit and yet i didn't have shit to offer. i was a fucking circus freak/clown that everyone thought was funny but noone wanted to be. i want something to happen before i die. i want to look back and not just laugh but feel as if i accomplished something other than survival because god dammit survival is to easy and i've never done anything easy you fucking bastards, you know this. i look back now at the past fourteen (14) months of extreme intoxication and i'm proud to say that i took it on like a champ and had many good times but nothing really to merit for other than memeories that i cant really recall. well enough for you fucking chumps i'm going to go meet kelly ann at roots and smoke mass cigarettes.


you
all
are
dead
to
me

love
josh
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